When You're Going Through Hell- Keep Going

Photo

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 13:28:00 -0400

Photo

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 13:27:39 -0400

He’ll be mine, unconditionally. Accepting all that he might be. ‘Cause even when...

Wed, 01 Dec 2010 00:52:14 -0500

He’ll be mine, unconditionally.

Accepting all that he might be.

‘Cause even when we’re far apart,

he’s always right here with me.

Not one thing would make me leave

despite that we’re young and so naive

theres nothing that I do not know

not one thing that I don’t believe

This is real and though it’s new

to say its fleeting is untrue.

My gifts are my words

Asad, they’re all for you.

I hoped that one day I could write the things I always wanted to say to you and show to you how much...

Sun, 28 Nov 2010 16:50:17 -0500

I hoped that one day

I could write

the things I always wanted

to say to you

and show to you

how much you were to me.

But other poets

stole my words

and in trying to recall them

I oft sound fake

or cheap and young

and thats not how I started.

For there are words

that fly through verse

and hit me in my heart

that call up tears

right to my eyes

and all of mine fall short.

All the things

you are to me

and how I’m with you always

I’ll try my best

and count on them

to say what I can’t manage.

quickly scanned my memory for something that reminded me of when i was this thrilled to be with...

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 18:08:31 -0500

quickly scanned my memory

for something that reminded

me of when i was this thrilled

to be with someone who could

really see how lovely it would

all turn out together.

You did restore my dignity and proved what this could really be that moment when you looked at me I...

Tue, 02 Nov 2010 15:51:20 -0400

You did restore my dignity

and proved what this could really be

that moment when you looked at me

I knew that things had changed.

When you and I discovered how

succombing to this love allowed

the other pain to end, and now

there’s reason to believe.

You showed me how to feel again

and all my woes went quiet when

your hand held mine so tight, and then

I knew that I could breathe.

October 6th, 2010

Tue, 19 Oct 2010 19:18:00 -0400

You might not even realize

the things you showed could happen.

The other people had their place,

but this ones overwhelming.

Where are we that we are right here?

Who are you that you love me?

Afraid that we could be so young,

let this be never ending.

But if this all should be short lived,

its important that you knew;

the words we shared were very real

as for me its always you.

The way your voice sounds when it cracks

and how your words they tell me

to think that love was all there was,

things changed the night you met me.

Too comforting and ever close,

your mine, for you its me.

I’ll always stay right here, right now

Please stand right here beside me.

His terrible demise will not be yours.

The years he spent destroying me are mine.

And though I come as damaged fragile goods,

I’ll willingly forget them for our time.

I know you’ll never shatter me like him,

believe I’ll never shut you down like her.

We trust and fall and feel because its right,

in love like this I know we can be sure.

June

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 00:21:00 -0400

Loss was ever present

but our moment never died.

The years continued moving

but our lives stayed intertwined.

The dark and tortured mindset,

that painful slap of truth,

we stopped but never ended,

for me its always you.

And here we stand together,

while our hands stay far apart.

The things we feel aren’t mentioned,

cause for now we are enough.

Her Inner Dialogue

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 23:59:00 -0500

I am a home of incongruities.

And while I sit here for the train,

I am unsure if I’m coming or going.

Because I am sure that there is something.

Something else that I am meant to do,

but unfortunately, I can’t tell you what it is.

But I can tell you-

I find most people and things infuriating.

And chances are

I like that homeless man

more then I like you.

I don’t trust you

and I don’t want to hear it.

I get nervous when the cashier hands me change

and NO, you can’t have one of my cigarettes.

This is harder then I thought.

Routine doesn’t sit well with me,

and so I fight it off.

Even though everyday I find myself,

stuck in it.

I have every intention of leaving.

I have every intention of going to figure out

What exactly that thing is I’m supposed to be doing.

But the train is here.

And even though I don’t know

If I’m coming

or if I’m going-

I get on.

Because, really though,

What else is there for me to do?

I Wish You Wore A Helmut

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:45:00 -0500

I love

That your hair

Is shorter in the front

Then in the back but

Only by a little

And I would never tell you that

Because

It would hurt

Your feelings but

I really do

Love it.

As Beings Go, He Was A Good Being

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:42:30 -0500

This was harder

then I thought it would be.

But even though

I know that I’m going to die

I dont think

I ever will.

And more importantly

you’re not dead

even after

what happened.

Both of my feet are asleep

but the Messiah won the peace prize

and I found my black pen.

I Like When My Phone is Dead and Nobody Can Reach Me.

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 17:12:00 -0400

Nostalgia is really important to me

Good memories make me

Sad and

Sad memories I remember

Fondly.

Lara Kleinschmidt (October 2009)

i wonder if the people that i notice that i see alot, notice that they see me a lot too. I...

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 17:11:00 -0400

i wonder if the

people that i

notice that i

see alot, notice

that they see me

a lot too. I also

smoke too many

cigarettes.

Lara Kleinschmidt (October 2009)

I Hate Boring Ordinary Things

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 17:09:03 -0400

I tell people

That I have

Green eyes.

I dont

Have green eyes.

I have hazel eyes.

Which is boring

I lie

Even though

When I’m telling them

I am looking at them

With my

(Hazel) Eyes

And they can see

For themselves that

They aren’t green.

But

People never check

And so they

Believe me.

People are stupid

And gullible

And at least

My eyes

Aren’t brown.

Lara Kleinschmidt (October 2009)

Ignore Me I Don't Know What I'm Talking About

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 17:05:00 -0400

It occured to me

While sitting here

That you

And I

Are different

That is not

And never was

A bad thing

Its been this way

Forever

And maybe

(Although I don’t know)

But maybe that is why

You love me

Because in the end

I am absolutely nothing

Like you.

But at the same time

Maybe

I’m wrong about that

Because you make me

Laugh

And I make you smile

So perhaps

We aren’t so different

After-all.

Lara Kleinschmidt (October 2009)

Pacing Back and Fourth

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:39:55 -0400

It stings
And burns
And yet he cannot stop because
His lungs
And mind
Are filled with thoughts of hurt
And he is there
Alone
With nothing here for him
As he walks back
And forth
He sees his loneliness
Its standing here
Then there
It follows him around
Into his eyes
It creeps
With nothing that can stop
Its painful truth
And light
Thats why is he so scared
He curses this
And that
Yet while he’s doing so
He pulls a drag
And thinks
About the things he knows
Like feeling dead
And gone
Its that which calms him down
To realize grief
And pain
Are things we all endure
But in the end
He sees
That nothings really real
And all we think
We know
Is something that its not
And so he stops.

Lara Kleinschmidt (Written late 2008)

The End

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:38:20 -0400

“Are you sure that you’re okay?” She asked him. It was Wednesday October 29, 2008. The sky was blue and the weather was fair. It was a beautiful day, except for his disposition. He had a tendency to be like this over the phone, she thought.
“Yeah, I told you, I’m fine. Stop asking me, please, you’re only making things worse,” He responded.
“Making what worse? You said you were fine, what is there to make worse? Are you sure you’re fine? You really don’t sound fine.” She was persistent, as usual.
He paused for what felt like a minute, the pause ended with a loud exhaling sigh. She could hear that there was something wrong. “Yeah,” he said again, “I’m fine.”
They had arranged that she would pick him up from work that day at around 4. And so she faithfully left her house at 3:45, giving herself the ample amount of time it took to walk the six blocks to the gallery where he worked. Ignorantly she trekked to see him, having little idea of the horrifyingly painful truth which was waiting for her when she arrived.
“Hi” She said, and they kissed. “You look nice today, you know? I wonder what wonderful lady bought you that shirt?”
“Hi, thanks, you bought me this shirt.”
“I know, silly, I’m playing with you. You ready to go?”
He looked at her, and he knew she could tell that he was not the same. His eyes quickly darted to the ground as he muttered,“Yeah…yeah, I’m ready.”
When they got to his house, they went immediately into his room and sat down on the bed. “Come here handsome.” she said, and she reached her arm out to grab his hand. Interlocking fingers, she pulled him towards her, and as they lay there holding one another she whispered to him, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He said. Despite his flat affect, he meant it. He really loved her with all of his heart.
Worried about his tone, she persistently asked again, “Why do you sound so upset to me? You have to tell me what’s wrong. If I did something I want to know so that I can apologize and fix things. You know… you do this, and you think I wont be able to tell. I’ve been with you for 2 years handsome, I can tell when you’re unhappy.” She was genuine. Even her slightly patronizing statements were legitimately uttered with care and compassion. She wanted everything to be alright. She really just wanted everything to be alright.
When the tears began rolling down his face, she knew it was over. Usually in these situations they could persuade each other to change their minds, but not this time. The truth of the matter was that they were in fact very in love, but they were too young.
Barley able to see through his water filled eyes, he turned to her, and holding her close to him reminded her, “I will always love you. This isn’t about that. I will never stop loving you.”
“But then why are you doing this…?” She couldn’t speak louder then a whisper.
“I just feel worn down.” He couldn’t even look at her. He knew that if he did, he would change his mind about what he was doing.
“Look at me. Don’t do this, please, don’t do this.” Her sobs were uncontrollable at this point, “Please just don’t do this. We can fix this, we can…” she trailed off. She looked at him, and knew just then that it was over, and she wasn’t going to change his mind this time. And so she gave up, and as they lay there silently, he kissed her forehead and she tried desperately to commit to memory everything about him, because she was never going to get another chance.
After an hour of silence, she turned to him, “I should go.” He didn’t want her to go. But he knew what he had done was the right decision. And so he stood up and took her hand and walked her outside of his room to the front door.
She lost every ounce of her breathe as the front door came into view. “I can’t do this. Once I walk out of that door its over. I can’t walk out of that door.”
“You have to,” he muttered guiltily.
She said nothing, and continued to stare at his eyes. He was torn up, and she could tell. She realized it was time to leave, and that scared her to death. So she kissed him one more time, “I love you with all my heart. And I always will,” she told him.
“I love you too cutie. Don’t ever forget it. I love you so much.” he replied softly.
And with that she let go of his grip, and walked towards the door. She turned the door knob, opened the door, stepped out, and turned around to look at him one more time.
“I love you” he mouthed, he was crying too hard to speak.
“Bye handsome,” she blew him a kiss, “I love you too.” And with that her heart broke and she closed the door forever.

Lara Kleinschmidt (Written late 2008)

A Long Night

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:30:39 -0400

I am suddenly distracted by the reflection of Columbus Avenue in my mirror.
The sun is setting in New York and regardless of how promising the golden sky is
I come to the conclusion that it is going to be a long night.
From experience I know that it will take hours to get a cab (or it will feel like hours, anyway)
And so strategically, I leave my apartment early
And stumbling down 95th street in my sky high heels
That pestering realization continues to be abundantly clear:
It is going to be a long night.
At last I hail a cab, and immediately I roll down the windows.
As we zip through the park, I allow myself to close my eyes and rest my head.
My shot lungs deeply inhale the Manhattan air
And as it fills every crevice of my body
An overwhelming sense that this is home washes over me.
This momentary ecstasy, however, is quickly robbed from me when I remember:
It is going to be a long night.
The girl I am meeting at the end of the cab ride is waiting for me at the corner when we pull up.
She is a very rich, very pretty, very sad girl,
And although we are best friends- I can’t help but to pity her.
Handing the driver some cash, I peer out the window and wave.
With one hand she waves back, and with the other she takes a long hard drag from her cigarette.
A cloud of smoke is blown in my face as I step from the cab
And hugging her I can smell she is already drunk.
Yes, I think to myself, it is going to be a very long night.

Lara Kleinschmidt (Written in 2007)