“Are you sure that you’re okay?” She asked him. It was Wednesday October 29, 2008. The sky was blue and the weather was fair. It was a beautiful day, except for his disposition. He had a tendency to be like this over the phone, she thought.
“Yeah, I told you, I’m fine. Stop asking me, please, you’re only making things worse,” He responded.
“Making what worse? You said you were fine, what is there to make worse? Are you sure you’re fine? You really don’t sound fine.” She was persistent, as usual.
He paused for what felt like a minute, the pause ended with a loud exhaling sigh. She could hear that there was something wrong. “Yeah,” he said again, “I’m fine.”
They had arranged that she would pick him up from work that day at around 4. And so she faithfully left her house at 3:45, giving herself the ample amount of time it took to walk the six blocks to the gallery where he worked. Ignorantly she trekked to see him, having little idea of the horrifyingly painful truth which was waiting for her when she arrived.
“Hi” She said, and they kissed. “You look nice today, you know? I wonder what wonderful lady bought you that shirt?”
“Hi, thanks, you bought me this shirt.”
“I know, silly, I’m playing with you. You ready to go?”
He looked at her, and he knew she could tell that he was not the same. His eyes quickly darted to the ground as he muttered,“Yeah…yeah, I’m ready.”
When they got to his house, they went immediately into his room and sat down on the bed. “Come here handsome.” she said, and she reached her arm out to grab his hand. Interlocking fingers, she pulled him towards her, and as they lay there holding one another she whispered to him, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He said. Despite his flat affect, he meant it. He really loved her with all of his heart.
Worried about his tone, she persistently asked again, “Why do you sound so upset to me? You have to tell me what’s wrong. If I did something I want to know so that I can apologize and fix things. You know… you do this, and you think I wont be able to tell. I’ve been with you for 2 years handsome, I can tell when you’re unhappy.” She was genuine. Even her slightly patronizing statements were legitimately uttered with care and compassion. She wanted everything to be alright. She really just wanted everything to be alright.
When the tears began rolling down his face, she knew it was over. Usually in these situations they could persuade each other to change their minds, but not this time. The truth of the matter was that they were in fact very in love, but they were too young.
Barley able to see through his water filled eyes, he turned to her, and holding her close to him reminded her, “I will always love you. This isn’t about that. I will never stop loving you.”
“But then why are you doing this…?” She couldn’t speak louder then a whisper.
“I just feel worn down.” He couldn’t even look at her. He knew that if he did, he would change his mind about what he was doing.
“Look at me. Don’t do this, please, don’t do this.” Her sobs were uncontrollable at this point, “Please just don’t do this. We can fix this, we can…” she trailed off. She looked at him, and knew just then that it was over, and she wasn’t going to change his mind this time. And so she gave up, and as they lay there silently, he kissed her forehead and she tried desperately to commit to memory everything about him, because she was never going to get another chance.
After an hour of silence, she turned to him, “I should go.” He didn’t want her to go. But he knew what he had done was the right decision. And so he stood up and took her hand and walked her outside of his room to the front door.
She lost every ounce of her breathe as the front door came into view. “I can’t do this. Once I walk out of that door its over. I can’t walk out of that door.”
“You have to,” he muttered guiltily.
She said nothing, and continued to stare at his eyes. He was torn up, and she could tell. She realized it was time to leave, and that scared her to death. So she kissed him one more time, “I love you with all my heart. And I always will,” she told him.
“I love you too cutie. Don’t ever forget it. I love you so much.” he replied softly.
And with that she let go of his grip, and walked towards the door. She turned the door knob, opened the door, stepped out, and turned around to look at him one more time.
“I love you” he mouthed, he was crying too hard to speak.
“Bye handsome,” she blew him a kiss, “I love you too.” And with that her heart broke and she closed the door forever.
Lara Kleinschmidt (Written late 2008)